yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
