i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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