I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
