god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
