I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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