We won't sleep together?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
