im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
