you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
