You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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