I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
