We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
