Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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