I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
