Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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