where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
