what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I color on your dick again?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
