I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
