by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
