I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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