I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
