If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
