I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
