ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
