I wish I could punch you in the face.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize