hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
