So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
