Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
