my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
