I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
