My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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