Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
