Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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