i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
