As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
