I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
