He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
