I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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