Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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