I just saw a hot homeless man
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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