Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
