Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
