my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he thought i was a dude.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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