He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
