i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
