I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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