Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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