when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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