I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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