I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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