Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
