I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
