What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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