Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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