how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
