Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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