He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
