I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
