a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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