Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's no shave November. This is our time.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
