True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
