it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
