You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
