He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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