you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
