Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
