i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
