Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
