True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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