My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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