I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
50% drunk capacity currently
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
