I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
