Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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