# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
