Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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