sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
