Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
