And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
