How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
