Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
