I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
