no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
