You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
