why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
