So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
