We need to start having sex underwater more often.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's never too late to be topless.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize