omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
