is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
