I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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