My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
