I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
