You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
