im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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