mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
