Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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