he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
