He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
