the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i was born a porn star she said
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
