do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
