i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
