JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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