so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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