I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
