If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
