Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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